Chapter 5 - Thank You!

Previously - Chapter 3: PAINFUL GOODBYE

Thanks for breaking my heart

As now I will learn to never love so hard again

You taught me such a cherishable lesson something I can carry out through the end

Thanks… I have no more tears to cry, every single tear fell to its sudden death

But it wasn't a very sad the day you said 'goodbye' – finally I could smile

Your deception taught me to see in black and white, Yes and no, hot and cold – never in between.

Now my eyes have the gift to the see the world from what is really wrong and really right!

Thanks… I can no longer feel any pain

I can close my heart to things I don't want to feel, show no emotions to things that make me feel worthless and vain!

Now I'm as hard as a stone, nothing can no longer break me down, not you, not nothing!

My once warm love is replaced with such cold

Thanks for breaking my heart

For now I know who you really are

You couldn't keep yourself from shedding your true colours

And that's why I'm now glad that you kept me far

Thanks - now I can see truth in lies, I am no longer blind as I used to be, so naive and stupid

I can see reality through these brown eyes

So Thanks, thanks for breaking my heart

I have learnt to keep my feelings locked inside, hide it away.

You made me realize that no one really cares, and no one would ever respond to my pleading cries

Now I know what to do, when it cracks again in a million pieces, I can’t seem to fix.

I do the same thing when it was broken by you

But I should Thank you for breaking my heart, I now I built a strong wall

That guards my tender heart day and night 20 for 7.

Even the strongest hit won't make it fall down flat!

Now I know what it's like to be hurting real hard!

When someone you love pushes you away….

But Thanks, for your lesson you gave me to lend

Although it was taught in a way I couldn't handle

It simply led me to never fall in love so hurt again.

So thanks for breaking my heart!

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Thank You

Theresa.

x

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Chapter 4 - Painful Goodbye!

Previously - Chapter 3: WHERE DO I START?

After it all... its time for an other painful goodbye!

I don't want to run and smash into you anymore but I don’t want to hide...
Hide from all the pain you caused inside.

I don’t want to scream nor I want to cry but I tell you goodbye!
Goodbye forever!

I want to move on but letting go seem to be so fucking hard.

I loved you more than you will ever know, more than words could ever describe.

But I want to start over, I really do and feel free, free from you!

But this pain will never leave me alone that’s why I don’t want to hide from it all;
I got the face it and take the hits like the bad bitch you so needed and so wanted!

You hurt me bad, a punch and kick in the face, who is she?

From all the promises you couldn't keep. who is she?

From all the lies, you didn't remember you told! who is she?
From the nights you were missing. who is she?
The pain hits so deep. who is she?
Your dream girl apparently.

But how can I forget you while you never forget her?

A goodbye but a goodbye forever.

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Thank You

Theresa.

x

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Treezahh_
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Chapter 3 - Where do I start?

Previously - Chapter 2: CRAZY

So I can now confess and say I may be losing myself.

Where do I start?

I've been feeling kinda crazy lately but I am trying not to blame it on you or how you've been treating me.

But you’re making it so... hard because technically it’s your fault.

I now get a new but crazy understanding for them “psychotic girls” you know the ones: the ones that insta stalk you they end up on your brother’s best friend’s sister’s page?

You know the ones that turn up outside your workplace, your mum's place and your place trying to camouflage in?

You know the ones that screenshot you’re every status, your pictures, when you’re online and snapchats? Hoo those snapchats.

You know the ones that accidentally end up in your phone on your whatsapp messages replying to your cousin say “No my man don’t want you so fuck off”?

Where do I start?

I am trying to hold on to my very last little bit of reality, hoping I don’t lose my grip and wonder into a world of insanity….

But you are making it so very hard for me.

I said self-love... self-worth... self-affection.... I still love you... still think your worth it all... still want the affection the attention that you seem to never show me.

When my life is on line, my bills aint paid on time, no food to eat, no income coming in.

Where do I start?

My last penny was given to you! Fuck everything you worth everything.

Gold, diamonds and rubies don't compare to you!               

Where do I start?

I am feeling kinda crazy now but I am trying not to blame you or how you’ve been treating me.

But you’re making it so... hard because technically it’s your fault.

All those sleepless nights... you turn me cold ice! And you ask why?

And in that moment of you asking me why.

The “psychotic girl” you hate so much surface to the top but you will never understand that.

----------------------------------------
Thank You

Theresa.

x

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Treezahh_
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Chapter 2 - Crazy

Previously - Chapter 1: THAT KINDA LADY!

After my attempt to be a 'lady' I started feeling... Crazy!

He whispered to me that night he first got me.

“I’d catch you if you fall - always hold you up and never down”

Boy I be falling, I am face down.

I can’t seem to move forwards, you got that good grip holding me back.

Got my body socking wet, got me unconscious I be drowning in the deep end.

I said "I won’t like him" but it was so good, I be screaming how much I love him.

Conversations about my past, his future and us but only in the present... time!
He said he ain't got much of that for himself so how can he have any time for me or anyone else.

But still so smart... he always stimulated my mind
The best intelligent orgasms of all time
And there were times we had fights and I call my bestie on some bullshit like;

“I ain’t ever talking to him again you know”

But later that day on the same day, he would have me tripping, falling face down, acting like a fool,
I be crazy for him.

And that’s when I realise....
I got to check myself in…
Boy got me crazy in love for him!

Not Beyoncé crazy kinda in love more like a Amy Dunne kinda crazy in love,
I’d play ‘gone girl’ any day.

He shouted “I lost respect for you Eve”

Nigga I done lost respect for you…

He then said “you’re nice girl but you’re a crazy bitch”

But nigga you did that with your good dick.

----------------------------------------
Thank You

Theresa.

x

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Treezahh_
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Chapter 1 - That Kinda Lady!

Previously - Series 1: THE MAN IN THE APPLE TREE.

While I try fix this broken heart of mine... He cheekily says to me;

"Just be a lady"

Well... I have no bum, no beast, no light skin kinda girl,

So I can’t have attitude and high standards kinda girl,

He said I am 6 not a 8, 9 or 10 kinda girl,

Because I don’t put a number on personality or appearance kinda girl,

No natural hair and wearing weave so I am not a good kinda girl?.

I drink, I party, I want to have fun so I am a disgusting kinda girl?

I twerk, I dance, I show some skin so I am a slut kinda girl?

I speak sex, I speak money, I speak out and freely so I am a hood kinda girl?

But you still want to try be inside of me kinda girl?

You say there are trapper kinda girls

So you poker a face and play me for of those kinda girls.

You call me a crazy kinda girl because I spot the joker you are,
I know how to play my cards right, yes because I am that kinda girl.

You stupid and I am 'crazy' so what kinda girl you think I am?

"Just try being a lady" he said.

Boy fuck all that shit because I'm always try being a lady!
What sociality says I should be...
Whatever you say I should be.

You say we ain't loyal kinda girls because we leave for a better you kinda guy

You say we a bitch kinda girls because we speak up at you kinda guy

You call us hoes kinda girl when we reject you... kinda guy!

Hell I just wanna be me kinda girl

And that's not to be sexy kinda girl

Because I don't sell sex kinda girl

I am not a thing because I am not a symbol of sex kinda girl

Nor am I a sex symbol because that's just a thing kinda girl

And I am just me kinda girl

And that's a lady kinda girl. 

"Just try being a lady" he said.

Boy fuck all that shit because I'm always try being a lady!
What sociality says I should be...
Whatever you say I should be.

I am a successful, with a career kinda girl,

money in the bank, I ain't never got to ask them for a thing kinda girl,

but yet I am just a chick he occasionally treat like his wife kinda girl  for all the wrong reasons.

Wash his shit, iron his shit, clean and cook a Sunday meal kinda girl - almost every day I be cooking a Sunday meal.

Then after a long day at work I spread my leg wide open so he can just be inside of me kinda girl

Then get told "I am not ready for commitment" kinda guy

But I mean, I am a good kinda girl, loyal, passionate, sweet kinda girl but then get told
"You crazy... all women crazy" so I must be a stupid kinda girl!

Can you see my frustration?
Why now when I say "I ain't no wifey" kinda girl...
Those kinda guys only want a situation-ship kinda girl...
But as I try to fix this broken heart of mine I reflect....
I am just that kinda girl? Am I just a situation-ship kinda girl?

"Just try being a lady" he said.

I am... I am a lady...
What sociality says I should be...
Whatever you say I should be...

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Thank You

Theresa.

x

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Treezahh_

Instagram: http://instagram.com/treezahh_